Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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