Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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