Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize