she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
