No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize