you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize