Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
