After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
