I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
