tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
