kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
