dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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