tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
