you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
