So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Pooping to opera.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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