Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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