quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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