Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

I could have mohawked her pubes.

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(440): View more from Ohio

oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.

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(341): View more from California

I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.

(341): View more from California

But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade

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(435): View more from Utah

My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping

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