Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
