I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
