Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Green mimosas i think yes
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
