And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
