The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
