I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
