I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
