No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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