After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
