I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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