I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
