Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
