gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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