what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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