i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
