The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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