I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
