I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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