Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
