my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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