I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
