is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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