I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
