I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
