She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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