The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
