Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
