my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
