I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
