i jhust puked up my retainher.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish I only lived at night.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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