We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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