He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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