I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
