the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
