last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
