just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
