I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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