But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Welp...herpes.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
