the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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