Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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