Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Pants are for mortals
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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