I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
