remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
