I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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