She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
