just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize