Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
