i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
