Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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