I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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