so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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