I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
