...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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