i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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