Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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