Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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